I ugly cried.   Leave a comment

Today was my first day back to reality…and it kind of sucked.  I love my job and the people I work with, and if you have read some of my other posts you’ll know I am afraid of being a permanent SAHM, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be sad.

I only got about four hours of sleep last night.  I was tired this morning, and am beyond exhausted as I type this.  The morning went fairly smooth as I had all of the bags packed and ready.  I told myself I’d do the same tonight and have everything ready for tomorrow, but I’m so damn tired I can’t even fathom getting up off of this couch.  I had a lump in my throat the whole time I was getting the boys ready this morning.  I dropped the boys off at their sitter’s house with only one tear shed.  It was only after I was alone in my car that I cried…or should I say, wept.  To make things worse on myself (I suppose I’m a glutton for punishment), I played Allison Krauss’ Baby Mine and Chris Medina’s What Are Words and those two songs made my cry even harder.  I did manage to stop crying long enough to reschedule a dentist appointment and I had actually pulled myself together by the time I arrived to the parking lot at work. However, as I was walking into the building, I realized it was 9am and this would have been about the time my toddler and I would have been having breakfast together.  And, I lost it.  I cried for my buddy.  I missed him so much at that moment. I missed my little baby’s snuggles.  I even missed my dogs.

I was already in the building at this point so I kept on walking to my office.  Most of my team was standing near my office and they had decorated it with bright balloons and streamers.  It was wonderful.  And what did I do? I ugly cried.  Right there, in front of my entire staff.  Mascara running down my face and snot running down my nose.  How embarrassing.  Who does that?!  My team was so excited to see me and had even planned a breakfast pizza party.  And I cried like a baby.  I had to apologize to them and let them know I was happy to see them all and I promised I was excited to be back at work.  They all knew the truth though…how could you not?  Luckily I have a very understanding, sweet team, and I don’t think they’ll hold it against me.

So, I made it through my first day back…barely.  It was painful, but tomorrow will be better.  And, by the end of the week, I am hoping to have my new normal.

Working is best for me, and I’m a better mom because I work.  However, I can’t type this without admitting I am also jealous of some SAHMs I know…I wanted to be them so badly today. But, it will all be ok.  Tomorrow, I will be prepared with waterproof mascara and tissues.

Off to bed.  I plan to post in a few days about what has become of my dad here recently.  Let’s just say I’m a true believer in karma…   My poor parents…so naive to not realize that what goes around comes around.

Goodnight!

All the best,

Someone’s mom

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