Archive for the ‘anxiety’ Tag

Getting anxious.   4 comments

A common theme in my life is anxiety and worry…I’m pretty sure you can tell by reading some of my posts 😉

Today’s news is all about rising oil prices, falling housing prices, and everything in between. I even heard that it will cost approximately $240,000 to send one child to a public university in 2030.  WTH.  I may throw up.

If you know me, you’ll understand that one of my current obsessions is the price of gas.  I get absolutely PISSED every time I pass a gas station and the price is higher.  I can’t stand it.  I want to get out of my car and throw a large rock at the gas station.  If I ever meet the CEO of BP, I may even throw a rock at him.

I work close to 45 minutes from my home, so I spend a lot of money in gas every month.  It is nearly impossible to try and save money for college or pay off revolving debt when we have to continue to shell out more money each week to fill up our cars.  On top of this, my husband and I are considering a mini-van or SUV in the future, but I have no idea how we’ll be able to fill it up.  My poor husband has to listen to me bitch about the price of gas on a weekly basis.  I feel for him and babe, I’m sorry.  I know that it’s a fixed cost and we have to deal with it.  I understand that it rises due to issues like unrest in the Middle East, market speculators, etc.  I hear all that but I still hate it.  I can still be pissed about it.  I know that my little self being pissed about the situation will not change a thing, but I need to hate it.

I’m always anxious about money….about how much debt we have, about the fact that we do not have much savings, about the fact if either my husband or I lose our job, we are screwed.  I’ve been anxious about money all my life, but it’s even worse now that we have two little fellas who depend on us to provide for them.

I have a plan to get my husband and I out of some of our debt in a couple of years.  If you have more revolving debt than you’d care to mention, check out how to snowball and pay your debt down.  I used a snowball calculator at Whats The Cost.  It’s free and if you set up an account (which is basically your email address), you can save our snowballs and download a csv file so you can save it.  I’ve never received spam or junk mail from them by giving them my email address.  I’m sure there are other snowball websites out there, but this is the first one I found and so far so good.

On another note, I’m anxious about heading back to work in a week and a half.  I’m going to miss my boys so much.  I’ve bonded with my older son and we share breakfast every day.  I’m going to miss my breakfast buddy.  My little baby is a wonderful snuggler, and I’m going to miss our snuggle time during the day.  I’ll be living for the weekends for sure!

My job is great but I’m going back to a mess.  I manage a team of individuals who market a product, and every year for the past four years, my team has exceeded our goals.  This year has been completely different, and my team has missed the mark by a lot.  I used to be in their position, so I know how to do the job and do it well, and I plan to get back in the office and get back to basics with them.  The first time I went out on maternity leave they did just fine, met their goals and made me proud.  Collectively, they were not doing well as a team before I had my second son, and unfortunately have not really recovered while I’ve been out on leave.  So, in addition to getting into the groove of being a working mom of 2, I have to go back and re-train many of my team members on how to do their jobs…or clean house I suppose…which I do not want to do.  Most of my team members are young and are also like my second set of children.  I can’t really remember a day where one of them didn’t come in my office and shut the door to talk about another person or a personal problem of their own.  I love that they are comfortable with me and want my help, but it can be exhausting.  At the end of the day though, thank the good Lord I have a job.  I am lucky and I do realize that.

So, gas prices and my job…two things that are making me anxious today.  But, I’ll deal with it.  That’s what us moms do.  We have our own problems and things that bug us, but our main job is to take care of our little ones and shelter them from the problems facing us and the rest of the world, and that’s what I’m going to do.

Any advice on how a busy, working mom can manage her anxiety would be awesome!

Oh, and my toddler has a horrible case of diaper rash…he evidently pooed two nights ago in the middle of the night and woke up with the reddest booty we’ve ever seen.  We’ve been slathering his little butt with as much Balmex as we can get on it, but it’s not that much better.  We’ve sworn by Balmex with both of our children, but haven’t had to deal a case of diaper rash as bad as this yet.  If you have any secrets that I am not aware of, please send them my way!

Have a great day, and remember to take a few minutes for yourself today!

All the best,
Someone’s mom

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Stress, anxiety, and abiding by my crazy internal clock.   Leave a comment

Well, I missed a posting yesterday 😦  But, I certainly thought about what I was going to write as my day progressed, so although I didn’t actually post, I posted in my own mind.

The day started around 8am when my older son woke up.  It was to be a big day for us.  We were headed out to the country to visit with one of my best friends who was in town (she lives about 8 hours away).  She and her husband have two children and I was able to meet them for the first time – yay!  Beautiful baby girls!

My goal was to leave the house before or around noon so we could spend as much of the day as possible with my friend and her family.  This was a challenge as I had not packed anything yet, both children needed baths, my husband wanted to take care of a couple of small projects first, and we needed to get some lunch on the way.  I figured I could handle all that in a few hours so I got right to work at 8am.  It took FOREVER to get everything done and I’m still wondering why?  My older son and I ate breakfast together and cleaned up, then I gave him a bath, then gave myself a bath, then fed and bathed my younger son.  My husband was able to help a little but was busy with his own projects (making the most of the little bit of time he had off I guess).  By the time I was packed up and ready to go, it was 12:30…ok not too bad but still later than I wanted to be.  Enter:  anxiety and stress!!  For some reason, whenever I am running even the slightest bit late or even have any fear that I may be late, I am anxious, stressed, moody, and sweaty.  It’s not pretty people.  And, unfortunately I take this out on my husband – he’s such a patient man.  I made a good effort in just being ok with the fact that we were not leaving when I wanted to…I mean, we didn’t have to be there at a specific time.  So, off we go.  No sooner had we pulled out of the driveway then my husband tells me we have to do a drive-by of his mom’s house as she is out of town.  Ok, fine, it’s a mile away.  But then we get there and there’s an issue that my husband has to take care of, so that adds an additional 10 minutes to us being later than I wanted.  Grrr.  Then, I realize we need gas – great, another stop.  Then, I realize I’ve left something at home that we need – back to the house.  Then, there’s a problem with my tire that my husband has to fix while we are at the house – another five minutes.  THEN, we go to the drive-thru to get lunch, and it’s lunch time so the drive-thru is wrapped around the building – another 15 minutes added to the trip.  THEN, and finally, my older son tries to get out of his car seat so we have to pull over.  Holy crap.  This is taking FOREVER!!!!  So, two hours after we leave, we make it to the destination that is only 45 minutes away.  My anxiety was through the roof.

You may be thinking I’m nuts because it was supposed to be just a fun trip to visit with friends, but it was more than that for me.  I was already starting to worry about the hell I’m going to get out of the house every day to go to work in a timely manner.  Luckily, I don’t have to punch a time card, but I have several meetings throughout my day and need to be at work around 9am…and my office is 45 minutes away.  So, I’m now FREAKING out about how early I have to get up – can you say early freaking morning for me??  Now, I’m extremely lucky as I have family who watches my children for me and they live extremely close by, but they are family, so dropping off and picking up my children takes a few minutes as they like to visit and talk…which is awesome for normal people, but not for a stressball like me who is so fearful of being late and wants to abide by her own crazy internal clock no matter the consequences.

Anyway, back to getting up early.  I’m not a morning person.  Not.at.all.  I’m horrible in the mornings…mean even.  I am not nice to my husband and I abhor everyone around me…such a terrible trait.  Luckily I am nice to my children- no need to be a biotch to them, right?  Since it’s back to work in two weeks for me, I’ve made a goal to turn this anger around and not be so grumpy in the morning.  I am working on understanding that it’s all internal and that I’m only causing trouble for myself by being so mean in the mornings.  I need to understand that EVERYONE is tired and in a rush to get where they need to go, not just me.  I’m going to have to get up early and I just need to deal with it.  I need to learn how to prepare the night before.  I need to understand it’s not the end of the world if the kitchen floor isn’t swept before I leave (man that’s going to be tough – remember I’m completely obsessive about a clean house).  If you have any suggestions on what I can do to ease the stress of the morning, that would be great.  Now that gas prices are on the rise, my husband and I have also made a deal to carpool a couple of times per week, but he refuses to carpool with me when I’m so grumpy and I don’t blame him.  And, we NEED to carpool as we both work 45 minutes from home.  We both recognize we can’t carpool every day because we need some time to ourselves, but we need to try as much as possible to save a little bit of money.  So, in the interest of saving money, I have got to be nicer.

I don’t know why I’m so crazy about abiding by my own expectations and internal clock.  Sure, I need to make sure I’m on time for meetings at work and whenever anyone else is counting on me to be somewhere by a certain time, and when I’m answering to others I freak out.  So, why do I have to freak out when I answer to myself too?  I know I’m just causing myself unnecessary stress.

So, in two weeks, I need to start learning the art of preparing at night, and figuring out to get up early, get it all done, and not freak out every minute until I get to work…because I’m only pissing off others around me.  My husband has told me so many times that he hates starting his day to my grumpiness…it ruins the rest of the day for him. Who wants to be a whole day ruiner???  Not me!

All the best,
Someone’s mom

Side note – it’s amazing to me that I cannot stand preparing at night for the next day…I consider myself to be a planner and incredibly organized.  People always tell me how they wish they were more organized like me.  I guess it’s all a facade, huh?